Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Not Ready

It's funny how many people say to me they're not ready for a baby once they talk to me about my pregnancy. They usually have a look on their face of fearful amazement.

Well, actually, I'm not ready either. I'm not ready to wake up to a crying baby every two hours instead of sleeping peacefully all night. I'm not ready to be spit up on everyday. I'm not ready to change poopie diapers. I'm not ready to give up my freedom. I'm not ready to live on a baby's schedule instead of my own. I'm not ready to give up my selfish ways. But it's happening. I don't think anyone is ever really ready.

I'm not saying you should go get pregnant right away even if you don't feel ready...because even though I'm not ready, I kind of am. I'm excited about this journey we're getting ready to embark on. I know it's going to be difficult and there will be days that I will want to rip my hair out and cry because of how exhausted and frustrated I am. I'm not ready...but I am. I know the moment I lay eyes on my little one it's going to be one of the happiest moments of my entire life. I know when I wake up in the middle of the night to a hungry baby, it'll be a special privilege to be able to give him/her nourishment. I know when I change a nasty diaper, it'll be to keep my baby healthy and comfortable. That's what I want. To really give myself to someone else, to my child. I want God to peel away the layers of selfishness that have built up over the years.

It's not going to be easy...and I'm not ready...I would much rather be spoiled for the rest of my life...but at the same time, I am ready. I'm ready to grow up...to love...to care for my child. And when you're ready, you'll know it too.

P.S. I began my second trimester today. Praise God! I have my next midwife appointment a week from tomorrow, so please pray for a healthy Baby Ace. 


[cute print from etsy]

6 comments:

T_L_K said...

I cried ... A liitle... While reading ur post... And driving... While trying to post on ur blog ... And not crash ... I love u and it was beautiful 

Kortnie Wertzbaugher said...

You're much wiser than I was. I didn't realize how unready I was until about a month before our first was born. By the time your pregnancy is over I think you'll be ready, at least to the idea of having a baby.

This blog really inspired me. Sometimes I lose site of why I do the little things... why I have to change a poopy diaper. :)

jessicagirado said...

Great post!!!
Not only will you become an unselfish person and experience this undying love for a child, you will get a small, tiny glimpse of the way Christ loves us. In everything you do, in the way you will discipline your child, the way you love your child, you will get to understand just a bit more about the love Christ has for us :)

Steph & Danny said...

I know I'm one of those..."imnot ready" people. haha I just got married so...yeah.
But I agree that I think you're ready. The way you spoke about Baby Ace even before going to the doctor. :)
So excited for you guys and the little one on the way! Love you!
and that owl print is magical. <3

PattyO said...

I love to read your blogs, because it aloud me to know more and more of you. Today’s blog is nice, but let me tell you that when I was pregnant with Alex I was also concern of how I was going to deal with the new experiences, but God is so beautiful that now I understand why he use us (women) to give birth.

There is a special feeling inside of us called motherhood and it comes out naturally once we have our baby in our arms. It’s the most amazing feeling, like when you hear the baby’s heart for the first time.

Being a mom is not easy, but it pays back when you have kids like you and Alex.

ILY!

Michelle said...

I love that you're being honest with yourself. And I think you're right: nobody is ever really ready. But you're right, it certainly does grow you up! And it certainly shows us how selfish we really are! But it's so, so worth it. Being a mom is uh-mazing. Amazing. I'm so excited for you guys!