pain

I'm not much of a wuss when it comes to medical procedures.

When nurses bring out the needles to take my blood or vaccinate me, I barely bat an eye. 

When I've had to endure anesthesia shots for various dental procedures, I did it without complaint and without wriggling in my chair. When I had lasik surgery, I was overjoyed, not scared. And when I fractured my wrist in tenth grade, I honestly don't remember crying. 

Again, I am not much of a wuss when it comes to medical procedures. Mostly because I like being called a "good patient." And because I know that the pain is fleeting. 

But THIS is different. I don't think I've ever had to endure anything quite like this. 

As you know, I scraped my right foot and knee pretty bad when I was in Greece. I didn't think it was a big deal. I've had my fair share of scrapes. One only needs to take a look at my left knee to see the nice-sized scar I have there. And I survived.

But apparently the abrasion is very deep and it's more like a "second-degree burn," according to the doctor. This means I am NOT allowed to grow a scab there...especially if it is white or yellow in color. I was not aware of this tidbit of information. And when I saw that I was finally beginning to form a scab, I was overjoyed! Until I went to my doctor's appointment yesterday and she said that we couldn't have that. She had to scrub away all the scab and leave my wounds red and bleeding. It's literally the worst pain I've ever had to endure. And I am really thankful Alex was there to hold me and let me cry like a baby on his shoulder. 

The worst part is now she expects ME to do this to myself everyday...twice a day. Scrub away at my open wound until it is bloody and raw. Something about how it has to heal from the outside, in...yadda yadda yadda. This morning was my first attempt and I ended up not being about to take away all the white junk away from my knee because it was just stuck real good in there and I couldn't bring myself to pull at it anymore. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's just not natural for human beings to hurt themselves on purpose. Not natural. 

So I don't know what I'm going to do. I really can't do this to myself. Just thinking about it makes a knot form in my throat and tears well up in my eyes.

Now I have to make a follow up appointment at the Wound Care Center in South Miami Hospital...but I believe they're in the habit of NOT picking up their phone...it's quite irritating. 

Again, prayers would be really really appreciated. Even if you think I'm just being a wuss, pray that I won't be.